Status or Belonging
After about a year in NYC, I became convinced that above a certain income level most of what motivates people is status. Now I think I was just being overly cynical
Phase 1: The Status Worldview
After about a year in NYC, I became convinced that above a certain income level most of what motivates people is status. When I say status, most people think of an obnoxious rich guy going around name dropping in his fancy cars. But if you find that distasteful, so do others. Status is about being the most liked and valued person in a room. There are many different rooms to be in and so many different status games to play. Wealth and beauty are superficial and so generally a factor across different rooms, but rooms could value some combination of the most connected, the most pious, the most altruistic, or the best saxophone player[1]. It’s really about the people in the room you are in, the game of your peers. This drives you to pursue what others pursue: beauty, career advancement, and general life "progress". You don't really need a nicer house or a promotion, but you do really need to feel like you are achieving something your peers find important. If not, then you feel shame, anger, or low self esteem - emotions evolved to keep you striving for group standards.
This status drive seems to be so fundamental that it becomes deeply internalized and reflexive. This book argues that the self evolved to judge yourself as others do. This paper found self esteem is strongly correlated to respect and admiration from your peers. Feeling self conscious means being conscious of the self, of how you are perceived by others. For in life, other people ARE constantly judging you and their judgments are the difference between a job and jail, sex and scandal. God is the ultimate abstraction of this idea. God/society is always watching and will judge and reward you if you adhere to his standard.
So the core status drive is not about impressing an individual person, it is an internalized drive to impress some ideal abstract person. From a young age, you learn through your interactions and culture what this standard is and strive for it. This is what it means to be socialized. You subconsciously notice and become attracted to what seems to give you the most benefit for the least effort whether that is jokes or swimsuits.
Self actualization and authenticity can be thought of as adhering to this personal standard you have learned for yourself. One paper explains: “If the main purpose of the self is to integrate the animal body into the social system (so it can survive and reproduce), then cultivating a good reputation is a paramount concern, and when one succeeds, even momentarily, there will be a welcome feeling of ‘That’s me!’” So many internal drives are just deeply internalized social status drives.
In such a world, the goal is to reach "self-actualization" judged by your own personal taste which means your intuition of the social ideal instead of some intellectual understanding of what you should be. In such a world, you know what you want to be will be heavily influenced by your environment and peers so you carefully choose those as well.
Phase 2: The Belonging Worldview
After a few months in Brooklyn, I now believe that I was being overly cynical. "Status” is correctly loaded with negative connotations. The worldview is depressing bringing with it a distrust of other people as well as a disgust of my own ultimately self serving intentions. I think I am directionally correct that other people are the fundamental drive. But status is just a part of a bigger game.
The core underlying argument of the status worldview is the evolutionary argument that we want to be liked and valued because then people will become our friend, ally, or mate. But, if we have this huge status drive which is just a step towards having friends, then having friends must be pretty damn important. And indeed, this book notes “by far the biggest medical surprise of the past decade has been the extraordinary number of studies showing that the single best predictor of health and wellbeing is simply the number and quality of close friendships you have."
So status is mostly an instrumental goal to get what you really want: belonging. Belonging to a particular group of people captured in ideas like a tribe, team, family, or community. You want admiration(status), affection, and attention from people you love. You want a feeling of safety in your position in a group. Status is just a part of the grander more complex game of belonging.
Perhaps my problem was interacting with institutions or groups where status was the prerequisite to belonging: jobs, dating apps, and some NYC social groups. But status does not reliably lead to belonging. The folk wisdom is right: status and success will likely be unfulfilling without someone to share it with. Belonging is the deeper, more fundamental and thus more fulfilling drive.
Check out Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
Once you understand self esteem and self actualization as really just an internalized cultural drive, then you see the top three are all social desires. In this worldview, you should find a group of people you admire(they are/value what you want to). Then, aim to develop relationships of mutual aid and support(belonging) while aiming to help them and impress them about your mutual values(esteem). Since they are your mutual values, you can work towards developing and following your intuition about how to best achieve it(self actualization).
In other words, find people you can love, then love them.
Appendix
Worldviews similar to the Status Worldview:
Leftist Idea of the Capitalistic Patriarchy - I disagree hierarchy in general is the source of our woes, as it seems to be a fundamental reality we are adapted and evolved for. But I do think there are problems with the modern form of hierarchy and its dehumanizing competition.
Animal Kingdom Dominance Hierarchies, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominance_hierarchy - Our hierarchies are more complex than this. Ours are more about prestige and admiration then dominance and submission. I.e Being impressive and useful to the group is higher status than winning in a fight.
Freud’s Id, Ego, Superego - The superego is the component of personality composed of the internalized ideals that we have acquired from our parents and society which is very similar to what I’m talking about.
Authenticity - The ideal of authenticity assumes there is some true, unchanging self to uncover and culture/society is corrupting. This is wrong, the self is inextricably linked to culture/society.
Worldviews similar to Belonging Worldview:
Idk, confirmation bias hasn’t kicked in yet. Give me a few months
Footnotes
[1] My current articulation of the highest status thing I’ve internalized is to truly enjoy your job and life… while making a lot of money. Think influencer or Youtuber or entreprenuer who makes millions living their best life. Captured in ideas like “authenticity” and “follow your passion”. Robin Hanson calls this conspicuous authenticity: https://www.overcomingbias.com/p/the-next-status-gamehtml